Taking the 'ew' out of 'Andrew'

Dear God,
Wow, what a trip this has been. Jerusalem has been great. I really love what you’ve done with the place. Everybody’s really nice, except that loudmouth right behind me who’s yelling “Obama, Jerusalem is not for sale.” I don’t even know what that means. I don’t blame you, though.

I’m going to assume you had something to do with my meteoric rise these past few years — because, really, how else did that happen? When you had Bill Clinton possessed by evil spirits, that was really a nice touch. Anyway, I was hoping I could ask you for a few more things:

1. Please make sure your boy Reverend Wright doesn’t say anything stupid until after the election. I’d like to think you still have some pull with him.
2. Please make John McCain fall asleep standing up, or forget his own name, or something else that makes him seem really old.
3. Also, I still have no idea who to pick for V.P. Can you give me a sign? I’ll have one of my aides carry around a bush in case you want to chat.

Okay, I gotta go to Germany. We’ll be in touch.

Yes we can,
Obama